Confused & Frustrated: When I'm Losing My Mind

When I'm faced with something that makes no sense to me, I'm tempted to mentally scramble down a million streets in pursuit of answers. If I'm not careful, I can find myself in the middle of a mad and maniacal marathon with an ever-moving finish line. It's exhausting, and I hate it when I find myself a participant in a race I didn't want to enter. 

Because I've been blessed with a ridiculously vivid imagination, I gather all kinds of possible clues as I'm frantically running up and down streets that only raise more questions and reel in more frustration that results in more confusion. Fortunately for my husband (The Accountant), this mental mayhem has provided him with the only subjective answer he seems to need to know in his objective world of soothing numerical absolutes: Yep. He's married to a woman who is certifiably crazy. It perfectly adds up. 

Light always shines brightest in the night, and if there's one thing I've learned in the middle of this mental mayhem it's that God is both faithful and patient in throwing a lifeline of hope to crazy people like me. Just when I feel like I'm losing my mind, He is always there to remind me that He has found it. In the middle of the mad and maniacal marathon, I have learned that He glories in scooping me up into His loving arms of grace and pointing my attention to the finish line of the Cross. I have learned that He glories in reminding me that the race has already been won and that His victory is mine. 

The thought that my Sovereign Savior has perfectly designed me for His glory is such a beautiful truth to me. It comforts me when I find myself so desperately wishing I were wired differently and wishing I could be more mentally satisfied and settled. But my design is exactly what God has used to drive me to the Cross and to fill my heart with love and gratitude for the One who keeps saving me over and over again. My mental mayhem is exactly what God has used to teach me about the immeasurable depth of His faithfulness. Just when I'm convinced I am completely lost, He is always there to lovingly and gently remind me that I am found. 

Though my mind and my heart betray me, God's truth has been faithful in saturating them with ever-increasing power and purpose. The training work of sanctifying grace is changing me, and I'm learning how to run with focused intention instead of wildly scrambling down side streets trying to find answers that aren't mine to possess. I'm learning that I don't have to understand everything, that I just need to keep my eyes fixed on the One who does.

I'm a slow learner, but God has made me a student of His Word and He wholly delights that I'm in His school of grace. I may be prone to skip class and wildly run down the halls without a pass, but He always know where to lovingly secure me. At the Lost & Found. 

"Your rest is not to be found in figuring your life out, but in trusting the One who has it all figured out for your good and His glory. Rest is never found in the quest to understand it all. No, rest is found in trusting the One who understands it all and rules it all for His glory and our good."  Paul Tripp